why is it that in the middle of the week everything just all seems to start feeling a bit overwhelming?
i never want my blog to be something people read and think
she has the most perfect life. i do have an extremely blessed life, yes. but, perfect, no. however, this is something that i have really struggled with. how transparent do i want to be on my blog? i want to be transparent and i want to be able to relate with readers, but i never ever ever want to air my dirty laundry on my blog. or, for my blog to become some sort of outlet for my insecurities or a place where i vent my anger. things change in life daily. relationships change. people change.
with that being said, i sit here wednesday morning with my cup of coffee uploading pictures from june and july. elle louise is watching clifford in the swing and she hasn't made a peep in 45 minutes. why mess up a good thing? but, as i am uploading and organizing pictures it just really makes me anxious. i feel like i cannot just not get things together. the house doesn't clean itself. the laundry doesn't do itself. dinner doesn't make itself. and you get the point. but, i have ZERO motivation. i'm so behind on everything. but, i know i'll clean the house top to bottom and in days time it will be back to where it was today. but, if i don't clean it will be unlivable. okay, so unlivable my be a little over-dramatic because its not
THAT dirty but just messy and dirty enough to be overwhelming.
we have bills piling up on the desk. we owe so much money to so many different people it just sucks. quite frankly. money to the hospital. money to credit cards
(if you don't have credit cards don't EVER get them. they are from the DEVIL.). money to doctors office for elle's uti
(and we haven't even seen these bills yet). money to here. money to there. we ARE on a strict/tight budget, so i know in time everything will be paid off, but i'm just ready to be there. and be DEBT FREE. our goal is to be completely debt free
(expcept for a mortgage) by elle's 5th birthday, so that we can take her to disney world!
on top of all that relationships and friendships are fading and some are blossoming. different stages in life warrant changes in relationships, but sometimes i wish everything would just stay the same. i miss so many of my friends who have just faded since elle louise has been born, but i feel so lucky to have made some new friends since her birth. girls who are in the same season of life
(such a corny use of words...but oh, so true) as me. not to mention how your relationship changes with your husband. don't get me wrong, elle louise has brought aaron and i so much closer in just a parental-kind-of-loving way
(if that makes any sense). and, i look at my husband with just respect and admiration after elle's birth. he works so hard so that i can stay home a couple days a week, and he is such a wonderful hands-on father
(so so thankful for that). we are there for each other and we have, and always will have, the commonality of loving someone other than each other more than life itself. and not even being able to explain that love. but, its hard to keep the spark alive, if you will. i know we will get back there. but, for now things are just different. i'm a part-time working mom. aaron is a full-time working dad. his job can be high-stress. and my days are mostly exhausting and will continue to be. doesn't leave a whole ton of time for bonding with each other. date-nights without the baby are going to have to start soon. that's a must!
with all that being said, i would not change my crazy life for anything. i feel better getting this out there. i read so many blogs and just think
she has got it so together.
her life is so perfect. she is gorgeous with zero flaws. her children are amazing. she is so creative. she is the best wife. and i could go on and on. i could even go as far as linking to the blogs that i so admire, but i won't go there. really, if i'm going to do this whole blog thing, then i really want people to know that i'm not perfect. my family isn't perfect. our finances aren't perfect...we are poor! my marriage isn't perfect. but, all in all, i am blessed in every aspect of my life.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)i love how God's word can speak to you in different ways at different stages in your life. these verses are from a little scripture journal i kept in high school and early college.
well, better tend to the sweetness that is elle louise. i can smell that poopy diaper from here.
and i leave you with some sweet pictures of elle louise and cousin parker from a couple weeks ago.




and, i'm just gonna press PUBLISH POST!